As I sit back and think about all the things that have brought me to where I am now,
I think about the mistakes I’ve made as well as the mistakes you made.
It’s easy to sit back now and condemn me for being the one who lied and never loved.
If it makes you feel better then so be it … if it helps you sleep at night, I’ll take one for the team.
Want to know my true feelings about the matter? Well hold on to your seat because here it goes.
1. Unlike you, I can’t deny you never loved me. Sometimes I want to knock you on that thick noggin of yours to ask you why marry me if you didn’t think I ever loved you. Stop lying to yourself. It is very unbecoming. You may be trying to prove a point to the next bitch but you know what, all that bullshit you’re spitting is just to make you feel better about the situation. Is it working?
2. Stop being a fake … stop acting like you were being used. How did I use you? What did I get from you that you haven’t gotten back a hundred fold? You really need to stop the madness because you know what, if anything, I was the one being used. SMDH … Will you ever grow up and take responsibility for your own actions?
3. I actually felt like I did something wrong when in fact, I did nothing wrong. I was walking around with blinders on … not seeing what was happening right under my nose. If anything, your actions are the ones that are questionable. The same way you got her is how you got me .. at the end of a bad break up with a lot of sympathy and thinking that you truly gave this person your all. There is always two sides to every story and you know, its nice to have both instead of one. I was the one that was the fool … being played like a fiddle trying to be the best woman I could be for you. I catered to you … gave you everything you wanted and needed and you walked around behind me doing stupid shit. Yet, I’m the user, the heartbreaker … smh … NEXT!
4. You need to truly grow up and learn to love yourself first. You want someone to cater to your love and when the catering stops, you throw a tantrum. You did everything for me? You gave me every bit of you? Please, you told the one before me the same shit you told me. That’s why I found it hard to believe you truly loved me the way you said you did. When someone can copy and paste the same words to me that I’ve heard from you, that just tells me you are running your love life on scripts.
5. You can honestly sit here and act like I didn’t care about you. I’ve been there when you were “dying inside from the relationship with your ex”… funny part is … you keep dying over and over again … and somehow you bounce back with a new bitch … again, smgdh.
6. You truly want me to believe you weren’t fucking around with this chick while we were “trying to make shit work”? Two days after I call it quits for the last time you got her on your special someone panel and she changes her name to match yours? People don’t do that overnight and people don’t do that if there’s someone telling them how much they love them. Is she that desperate? Do you truly think I am an idiot? Do you think I am going to believe everything you tell me? It’s kind of hard to do that when your actions have always been louder than your words. You see, I didn’t’ even get that privilege right away so I know you were already caking it up with her. You fucking someone else two days after me but yet you feel so torn apart by my breaking up with you? Do I look like Sister Foo-Foo to you? If anything you’re playing yourself thinking that you got one up on me. I already know you did it to spite me but guess what … you really need to upgrade … You want to hurt me? … hurt me by getting a bitch that is better than me … not some lame bum ass whore that is just as fake as you are. Bitch didn’t even like lesbians and despised the idea of her sister fucking around with one but now she’s fucking with a stud … ROFLMAO … where they do that at? You two probably “hit it off” while I was offline … LMAO … You call me simple? Nah boo, you got the simpletons right there with you … NEXT!
7. There is more to life than finding someone to be in love with … it cannot be forced … it cannot be taken … it must be given freely by the other person. You say you want to fall in love again? What’s stopping you? Me? … Nah … you carry a player’s game around in your heart … not Marcie … not Dade … I left someone to be with you because I truly cared and loved you … to this day, I still feel the same but I had to learn how to let go. My theory is you were holding on to my tail skirt if things didn’t work out between you and the Mrs. Only, I wasn’t going to play the fool again. I removed you so that I can move on without worrying about what you were doing every day … whether you were going to give me another chance … like I’m the one that fucked up. Still don’t know why I was asking for another chance … guess because I loved you just that much. What a fool I was. I had to be a fool … to still want to give you even though I knew you were fucking someone else. Shame on me!
8. I do hope she does come see you and spend time in NC with you … hope you two hit it off and never look back because I come to realize … when a bitch don’t have a job, they can devote all the time in the world catering to you … Fortunately, I do work for a living because I need to put food on the table for my family and keep a clean roof over their heads. All they have is me and all I wanted to ever do was give myself to you. Silly of me to ignore all the warning signs.
Now that the rain is gone and the clouds have cleared I can see clearer than ever before. I’m finally able to breathe without waiting on you to tell me to … I can finally see without having to take the blinders off that allowed me to only see you. I gave you too much of me … I gave you too much power over me … I gave … I gave … I gave … Now, its time for me to allow someone else a chance to give me what I need … drama free … conflict free … someone who doesn’t need me to make their world go round but wants me to do so … someone who stands on their own two feet and can sustain enough strength for me and them both. I’m happy to say I am single and I am free … free to be the person I was before I let you come in and gain control over my emotions. I still wish you the best even though you try to run my name in the mud … still love you as the father of my children … but no longer will I ever concern myself with what you say or do. I will leave you to your own demise because until you are truthful with yourself, there is no way you can be truthful to someone else.
So the words you speak only set me off for a minute then I realize I don’t have to be upset … you’re no longer my problem … doesn’t cause me to love you any more or any less. I realize now who you truly are. The guilt is gone … the tears are gone … the pain is gone … There are people in my life now that were there all along who want the best for me without wanting anything from me … people who know who I am and already know how petty you can be. At this point, all I can do now is ask God to give you what you deserve.
~ Deuces ~
You ever think about what feeds your soul?
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